


Live to Fight Another Day

by Calardes



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman and Robin (Comics), DCU, DCU (Comics)
Genre: Developing Relationship, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Road Trips, Slow Build, Unresolved Romantic Tension, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Unspoken Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-11
Updated: 2017-05-05
Packaged: 2018-10-17 11:49:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 13,325
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10593411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Calardes/pseuds/Calardes
Summary: After a traumatic explosion incident in Gotham, Dick decided to go on a road trip alone. An unexpected guest joined him on the way.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A story about road trip, companionship, and unspoken love.
> 
>  
> 
> Originally written in Chinese. Link: http://minestrone.lofter.com/post/1d51fcd8_b5c4903

+

 

“I want to drive,” Damian uttered abruptly. Dick was waiting to see how long it would take him to say that, and it turned out to be not so long.

 

Dick sighed audibly, his fingers frantically tapping on the driving wheel without any rhythm. As if he didn’t have a good enough reason to refuse Damian’s request, Dick hesitated before he spoke, “You can’t. You don’t even know where I am going.” 

 

Dick didn’t turn to see Damian’s reaction; instead, he advertently pretended to be busy staring into the straight, empty road ahead of them. Even so, he could still imagine Damian’s irritated look and furrowed brows. Although Damian never liked being predictable, but his bad temper had remained a constant for all seven years that Dick had known him.

 

“And _you_ know where you are going?” said Damian with the exact aggressiveness that Dick had anticipated. The quiet frustration had once again gotten to the elder man. Dick knew exactly what Damian was thinking, and even worse, he knew Damian was _right_.

 

He didn’t know where he was going at all.

 

“I don’t,” Dick confessed in the end. He had a vague idea in his mind, but he still wasn’t sure. Honestly, he only hoped to stop thinking all together, because no matter in what direction he was going, the low ringing in his ear and the white flashing light would always haunt him, drowning him swiftly and soundlessly. As long as he didn’t stay _here_ , Dick imagined he would be all right.

 

“You really have no idea?” comparing to sarcastic, Dick would rather believe that Damian’s tone leaned toward being unbelievable, “You left Gotham without saying a single word, and you never even thought about where to go. How typical, Grayson.”

 

“You know what else I never thought about, Damian?” Dick responded with a question, his words sluggish, almost sticking together at the end of each syllable, his voice dry and irritating like the mud dripped from a pair of rain-boots onto a carpet. “That you would be on your bike, blocking the freeway entrance and waiting for _me_ to get there.”

 

Damian snorted derisively. “You wouldn’t think that I… _father_ would allow you to wander around as per your wish.” 

 

Dick suddenly felt the weight of an unspeakable weariness dawning on him. He crunched up in his seat, fingers hanging low on the bottom of the driving wheel. He just didn’t feel like continuing the conversation anymore, allowing the silence between them to sink indefinitely. Surprisingly, Damian was the one unused to the quietness; he didn’t even try to cover up his uneasiness, adjusting his seat back and forth restlessly until he’s finally somewhat comfortable.

 

After passing three road signs, Dick at last glanced at Damian. “Is there anywhere you haven’t visited before?” he asked.

 

Damian, apparently, was not expecting the question, a moment had passed before he was able to mumble something along the lines of “I have already been to everywhere worth visiting”.

 

Damian’s reaction aroused a sense of amusement in Dick’s heart, and yet it still wasn’t quite enough to deliver a smile to his face. “What about Orlando, Florida?”

 

“I know what is there, Grayson,” said Damian as disdainfully as he could manage, frowning at Dick. “If you ever attempt to force me into some imbecile theme park, I _will_ break your legs.” 

 

“Fine, we have an agreement then. Orlando it is.”

 

“Grayson—"

 

“If you have a problem with it,” Dick interrupted forcefully, ignoring the surprised look on the younger man, “I can drop you and your bike off next exit, or I can ask Babs to pick you up…although she may not be too thrilled about it.”

 

“Enough, Grayson. I do not need anyone to pick me up.” Damian refused stiffly with his arms crossed in front of his chest, whole body sinking heavily into his seat.

 

Dick noticed that Damian never said he wanted to get off. He wasn’t sure whether that made him felt more relived or more annoyed. All of a sudden, the destination he proposed as a joke became glaringly clear in his head. Before Dick could stop himself, he had already conjured up the entire route to Florida from where they are. He decided that he would drive down the I-95 until he came up with a better place to go. If Dick’s calculation was correct, they would be in Baltimore within three hours.

 

Dick was grateful that Damian hadn’t mention anything about _that_ night. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to talk about it. No, _actually_ , he didn’t want to talk about it at all. At least not now.

 

He didn’t want to see Bruce or his _pity_ , a look so out of place on that stern, hardened face. He didn’t want to endure those awkward and meaningless conversations. He also didn’t want any of that therapy crap.

 

Dick only wanted to leave, to get away, even just for a few days. This little journey that was supposed to belong to him and him alone had taken an unexpected turn all because of _Damian_ —just like everything else in Dick’s life. He shouldn’t have expected this to change...something that he should have learned seven years ago when they first met.

 

 

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

+

 

When they almost got to Richmond, the sky had already darkened. The hazy, soft remnant of the sunset glow still hung low in the gaps of the tree branches far on the horizon. From now on, the further south they went, the earlier the sunset would be. It had just occurred to Dick that he hadn’t eaten all day, and Damian was probably just the same.

 

“Damian, are you hungry?”

 

Before his copilot even had time to say anything, his stomach already answered for him with an audible growling. Dick watched Damian’s face turned from extreme calmness and scorn to terribly concealed awkwardness; in the end, the teen resorted to nodding his head quietly, admitting that it was indeed time to eat.

 

And that’s probably why when they walked into a chain restaurant seven minutes later, Dick was still smiling.

 

“So, was Tim the one who told you?” sitting down by a corner table, Dick asked, “That I wanted to leave for a few days.”

 

Damian was lolling in his seat, browsing through the menu idly. He had his elbow on one arm of the chair, chin resting on his fist. “Don’t patronize me, Grayson. I don’t need Drake to gather all the information I require,” said Damian, shooting a brief glance at Dick before he turned the menu to the next page.

 

Dick gasped as if he was deeply offended. “ _Great_ , Damian. Thanks for letting me know that Tim isn’t the only one who has a tracker on me.”

 

“ _What else do you expect?_ You haven’t left the house for an entire week, Grayson,” Damian snapped back, “And the first thing you did when you stepped outside was to drive a car without any tracking or weapon system out of town with a bag full of civilian clothing."

 

Dick was just about to say something when the waitress walked up to their table, taking their drink orders (“Water will do” and “Sweetened iced tea, please. What? You don’t have sweetened ice tea? Just iced tea then, I’ll sweeten it myself”).

 

“You really didn’t have to come all the way to Virginia with me,” Dick started to say, watching the back of the waitress disappearing into the kitchen. The teen sitting opposite him said nothing, so Dick added: “You could have gone back and told Bruce that I’m fine. It would have saved you all the troubles.”

 

Damian closed the menu with a loud flopping sound.

 

“Yes. I could have,” said Damian slowly, giving each word an almost unnoticeable pause like he wanted Dick to understand him with absolute clarity, “I am here now because I _want_ to be, not because of anything else, much less per my father’s request."

 

Dick’s eyes widened. He didn’t want to be too obvious, but he never had the habit of hiding his own emotions from Damian. He was honestly surprised at Damian’s response because he never expected the teen to be so straightforward.

 

“I am glad that you are here, little D,” said Dick in the end, smiling with effortless sincerity and happiness—the first time he had done so in many days. And Damian didn’t seem as annoyed by that nickname as per usual, only mumbled some complaints that Dick wasn’t quite able to hear. 

 

+

 

“You wanna play some music?” Dick asked before he started driving again. The sky had darkened completely after they came out of the restaurant. 

 

“What, Grayson?” Damian pulled out one earbud.

 

“If you don’t want to put on your music, then I’ll have to turn on the radio,” said Dick, buckling up his seat belts. 

 

Damian hesitated for a moment as if he was considering which was the more intolerable option between giving Dick a chance to judge his music and listening to Dick’s favorite radio channel. He made up his mind quickly, rejecting Dick’s invitation and quickly turning up his headphone volume.

 

Dick shrugged and turned on the radio like he said he would. After trying out a few channels, he settled on 105.5FM.

 

After driving for about fifteen minutes, Dick heard the teen sighed impatiently.

 

“This is insufferable, Grayson,” Damian yelled, pulling off his headphones completely and pointing at the radio, “Absolutely ridiculous.”

 

Dick was totally unmoved by Damian’s reaction, only turning down the volume after he finished singing the last bit of Shake It Off along with the radio. He turned his head to look at a very infuriated Damian. 

 

“Well, I did ask you,” Dick pointed out.

 

“I presumed your atrocious taste in music would stop at disco, but apparently I have underestimated your tendency in…exceeding expectation,” Damian deadpanned, which made Dick laugh wholeheartedly.

 

“Hey, even you can’t deny the fact that disco was the greatest music in the 70’s.”

 

“I am not surprised that your interest still remained in the last century.”

 

Dick didn’t talk back, and instead, he chose to sing _I Will Survive_ as loud as possible against Damian’s objection, repeating the line “Did you think I’d crumble? Did you think I’d lay down and die?” and wriggling his shoulders back and forth in excitement. Damian widened his eyes in terror and covered his ears tightly, screaming “Stop it, Grayson” and hoping that he could best Dick in a shouting match.

 

He lost.

 

+

 

When he stood by the front desk of a small hotel, Dick realized that he had been neglecting one problem for the past seven hours.

 

“Um…” Dick awkwardly glanced at Damian, who’s sitting on a couch nearby. He found himself at a loss as to how to answer a simple question.

 

The fact was, as far as Dick could remember, he and Damian never needed to check in to a hotel together—except when they were _working_ —so he could only assume that the teen would for sure want his own space instead of staying in the same room with him. If Damian still were a ten-year-old boy, perhaps Dick could convince himself that a double room would be a good idea, but the situation now had become difficult for Dick to imagine staying in the same room with Damian, even just for one night.

 

“Two singles, please.”

 

When Dick approached Damian with two sets of room keys, the teen had just put down his phone, a frown still lingered on his face.

 

“406,” he passed a key to Damian, holding the other in his fist, “I’m right next door in 404.”

 

Damian grabbed his key almost without a pause and slung his backpack onto his right shoulder, starting to head toward the elevator. Dick let out a breath that he didn’t know he was holding, and when he got to the elevator, he realized that Damian was heedfully surveying the floor plan right above the buttons. For some unknown reason, the teen’s moves brought forth an uncanny familiarity that propelled Dick to feel the desire to trace back the origin of his feelings. He was so deep in his thought that he entirely missed the fact that the elevator door had been open for a while now.

 

“Grayson!” Damian, already inside the elevator, snarled at him before Dick could snap out of his thoughts.

 

The two of them stood silently inside the slowest elevator Dick had ever seen before, and when the door finally slid open again, he was surprised and also irritated to find that they had only gotten to the second floor.

 

Just as he was about to suggest to Damian that they could take the stairs, a group of men and women flooded in and almost filled the entire elevator. Dick staggered back a few steps before he bumped into Damian.

 

He was immediately caught, firmly and tightly until he was able to stand still. Then the touch disappeared as quickly as it came, and the only thing left that indicated their interactions was the teen’s breathe caressing Dick’s bare neck. 

 

From the hysterical giggles and smell of alcohol, Dick could tell that these people are likely to have come from the bar on second floor. When the elevator door slid shut, Dick and a very disgruntled looking Damian were squeezed to the back corner, and all Dick could feel were the teen’s warm arms and thighs against his.

 

He swallowed and raised his eyes to sneak a look at Damian, but only to find himself looking into his eyes unexpectedly. For a hot second, Dick felt so thoroughly dazed and inexplicably baffled even though he had no idea where these feelings come from. The only conscious thought remained in his mind was that he hadn’t had a chance to look at those impossibly blue eyes _up close_ for such a long, long time.

 

When they had finally reached the fourth floor, both of them let out a sigh of relief. Damian’s shoulders were stiff, as if he was still unsatisfied about what they had gone through just now.

 

“Good night, Damian,” as Damian opened the door to his own room, Dick insisted in bidding his goodnight in a light and cheerful voice.

 

The younger male didn’t turn his head to look at him, but instead mumbled something that might have sounded like “good night” as he squeezed himself through the door. Dick was left with a loud ‘bang’ and a tightly shut door. That dazed feeling had come back again. It seemed like nothing and everything had happened all at once. Dick tried to remember what had made him feel this way, but nothing came to him; the memories in his head were shredded into countless colorful pieces, and he had no idea which of them had caused the problem.

 

“Good night,” a moment later, Dick murmured again as if he was talking to himself, opening the door to his room, and stepped into the dark and narrow entrance.

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From Petersburg, VA to Savannah, GA. Slow build with ambiguous feelings.

+

 

When they had finished lunch and started to drive again, it was already nearly three in the afternoon. Dick had lost the control of the driving wheel to Damian, and all he could do was lecturing his little brother about safe driving again and again.

 

“ _Shut up,_ Grayson!” Damian interrupted impatiently, “I’ve been driving ever since I could _walk_!”

 

“I have no doubt,” Dick deadpanned, “I am worried about _other_ people’s safety.”

 

Damian snorted contemptuously, putting on a pair of sunglasses as he looked straight into the brightly sunlit freeway. The ocean blue of his eyes was immersed in the cool shade of the sunglasses.

 

Dick slouched in his seat, adjusted his body so that he was at a perfect angle to take in Damian’s profile and the speedometer as he turned on the radio. Dick couldn’t help but tapped his fingers along the uplifting beats.

 

He remembered when he first heard the song; it was also in a car, one that wasn’t quite like this, speeding on an empty street alone at night, radio turned up high enough to make him feel the air vibrating. At the time he didn’t have the heart to listen to the lyrics, and only a few phrases had stuck with him. He never got to listen the song again since then.

 

Until just now.

 

“ _‘…Go forth and have no fear,’_ ” he hummed softly. Much to his surprise, the next line of lyrics came to him easily. _Come close the end is near._

 

“Your familiarity with these pop songs never fails to appall me, Grayson,” Damian commented almost snappily. 

 

Dick only grinned lazily; an inexplicable fondness arose from the depth of his heart. Damian’s biting, frank words had almost always made him feel this way. Even after that _night_ from a few weeks ago, Damian still treated Dick the same way he always had; no careful handling as if he was made of glass, no pitiful looks that turned his stomach upside down.

 

And from who knew when on, but the way Damian said “Grayson” started to sound something more like a fond exasperation, and it’s almost… _possessive_ , in a way as if he was the only one allowed to address Dick this way, and anyone else who dared to call him that would suffer from his death glare.

 

Damian had always been unrelenting about things that belonged to him, Dick thought.

 

At that exact moment, an uncontrollable desire had seized him, propelling Dick to reach out and tousle Damian’s hair affectionately without a second thought.

 

He hadn’t done that in a really long time.

 

As his fingers felt Damian’s hair, he then realized how much he had missed this feeling. At first, the teen almost did not react at all--his body stiff, sitting still in the driver’s seat as if even he didn’t see it coming.

 

Even when the song was replaced by many others moments later, the lyrics were still stuck in Dick’s head in an infinite loop, slowly fading and distorting into other shapes and forms.

 

 

 

After a while—perhaps twenty minutes, or even an hour—the off and on conversation between them had finally stopped like a sailing ship that had drifted into the Calm Belt. The sun hung low, shining not as brightly as before, and the clouds that came and went occasionally blocked its golden beam.

 

A not so obvious sign on the side indicated that they had left North Carolina.

 

Dick yawned. The paralyzing weariness had finally caught up with him again, but he was already too used to it to care.

 

He watched the sun slowly descending into the tangerine colored clouds, his each blink getting slower and slower. His head was sliding down the crack between his seat and the doorframe until he found a comfortable angle. 

 

His breath evened out.

 

And then before he even realized, the _long, long_ road, along with the weed-covered wild plain on each side, was all washed away into the quiet darkness by his hazy drowsiness.

 

When he was conscious again, the first thing he saw was some tiny water droplet on the corner of the windshield, where the wipers weren’t able to get to. They were glinting under a dim, pale light.

 

He had just missed the rain.

 

“Hey,” said Dick to a very quiet Damian, propping himself up from the seat. His throat was so dry that he almost couldn’t make a sound, but nothing was left in the bottle of water he had bought in the morning. He shook the empty bottle desperately before finally putting it back with a dejected sigh.

 

“I was wondering if you were ever going to wake up,” said Damian with a blank face.

 

“Sorry,” said Dick as he stretched, a small smile arose on his face, “Didn’t really mean to fall asleep.”

 

“I am going to take the next exit. Your car needs gas,” Damian kept his voice impassive. Dick straightened up his body to get a look at the dashboard. Not as little gas as he had expected. Then Damian added as if it was a mere afterthought: “Also, if you want to get some more water.”

 

Dick did not answer.

 

He stared into the long ago darkened view outside, wondering since when…since _exactly_ _when_ did the word _“considerate”_ had been added to the long wordlist he would use to describe Damian Wayne.

 

The first gas station they saw did have a convenient store. The cashier was a plump, middle-age woman with short hair, greeting every customer with the exact same words.

 

Dick was holding a couple of bottled drinks in one hand and trying to get his wallet from the pocket with the other. He stood in the back of the line to wait for his turn. The shelf below the counter was clustered with magazines and newspapers. Dick quickly skimmed through all the headlines, and his line of sight had unavoidably ended up in the shelf next to the counter.

 

Blue playing cards, red playing cards, nice looking cards, terrible looking cards, even UNO, and…a single, lonely set of _chess_.

 

When he finally walked up to the cashier, he couldn’t help but took the folded chessboard with half broken wrapper and shook it. He heard the chess pieces inside rattled against the board.

 

 

 

When Dick got back to the car, Damian had already finished refueling and was waiting in the driver’s seat. The teen glimpsed at the plastic bag in Dick’s hand before he started the car.

 

“The time you took was long enough for me to drive to Jacksonville, Grayson,” Damian complained discontentedly.

 

“You always exaggerate too much, Damian. It was _at most_ enough for you to get to Savannah,” Dick quipped, handing Damian an orange flavored juice box he just bought, “Take this."

 

Damian rolled his eyes. “I’m not goddamn ten years old,” he grunted, reluctantly taking the juice box from Dick’s hand.

 

“You wouldn’t drink it if you were,” said Dick unhurriedly, grabbing another box from the plastic bag, “C’mon, I got myself one as well. On three.”

 

Despite his snort of contempt, Damian still took the straw out of the wrapper, poking the pointy end into the juice box. As soon as Dick had counted to three, both of them started sucking up the juice as fast as they could. No matter how stupid Damian thought this little competition was, he still wanted to be the first one to finish.

 

Ever since a couple of years back when they first started this tradition during a patrol, Dick won most of the time at first, but Damian wasn’t the type to accept defeat, so that’s how Dick got him to do it over and over again.

 

It seemed foolish to even think about it, but now Dick had begun to wonder, after Damian’s desire to win had exhausted as he prevailed one time after another, perhaps he only agreed to continue this silly game because he didn’t want to let Dick down. 

 

“I won,” Damian declared merely seconds later, almost smugly brandishing his already emptied juice box. Dick was only half a second late, but there was nothing he could do but shrugging his shoulders with a halfhearted “yeah right, whatever” look on his face.

 

“So, what do you want from me this time?” Dick asked.

 

Damian considered for a moment before he shook his head. “I have yet to decide, but it does not mean I give up the right to claim my prize at a later date.”

 

“Didn’t think you’d let it go that easily,” said Dick with a soft smile. “As long as it’s something I could manage, you can ask me for it anytime.”

 

Damian nodded his head solemnly, wheeling the car out of the gas station. He had always valued Dick’s promises, and Dick, in return, had always tried his best to fulfill them.

 

Red light. The car stopped at the last turn before freeway.

 

Dick quickly glanced at Damian before he cleared his throat.

 

“I bought a set of chess, “ he began, voice kept at an even pace, not wanting to give away his excitement, “Are you interested in playing tonight?”

 

Damian surveyed him for a second, eyes narrowed. “What, you haven’t lost enough for one night?”  

 

“Hey, maybe you’ll be the one losing this time!”

 

“ _Maybe…_ ” said Damian as he stepped on the gas hard, a wide grin apparent on his face, “…if I give you a ten-step head start.”

 

+

 

Dick was sitting on his bed with Damian sitting opposite him. The teen wore a stern face, thoughts apparently deep in contemplation as he stared at the chessboard in front of him.

 

Damian had won the last three games, and judging by the situation on the board, this game would be no exception.

 

“Grayson,” he raised his head to look at Dick, the exasperation in his voice brought a smile on the latter’s face, “For someone so proficient at developing combat tactics, your chess skill is unbelievably disastrous.”  

 

“I appreciate your candid comment, Damian, but I heard you the first three times you’ve said it,” replied Dick sardonically.

 

Now he almost couldn’t smell the scent of soap on Damian. 

 

Dick supposed that Damian was in a hurry when he left, didn’t have time to bring his usual shower supplies. The cheap soap from the hotel still left a sickly sweet smell on the skin even after being washed off, but Dick found that he didn’t mind the scent on Damian so much. The teen’s hair had also dried almost entirely, with only a small strand of hair still drooping down his forehead, looking incredibly soft. That uncontrollable desire to ruffle his hair had returned, but Dick presumed that Damian probably wouldn’t tolerate such an action again.

 

Although Damian had been complaining about how those plastic chess pieces were worthless comparing to the marble ones at home, he still reset the board swiftly after each game, eyes glinting with undeniable anticipation as he asked Dick if he was up to another game.

 

Dick could never say no.

 

After Damian had claimed victory in their fourth game of the night, Dick glanced at the time.

 

“Let’s call it a night,” said Dick, “We still have quite a while to drive tomorrow.”

 

Damian slightly pouted (although he would never admit he just did that), playing with the Knight in his hands before putting it back into the box. “Your zero was never going to become a _one_ anyways.”

 

So Dick started to help Damian with putting the chess pieces back, and within moments, the chessboard was already folded up with every single piece back to its original place.

 

Damian looked at it for a whole second before slowly moving to the edge of Dick’s bed, beginning to put his shoes on.

 

Dick lay back against the pile of pillows, leaning on his side to look at the back of Damian.

 

“It’s a pretty huge bed, and you don’t really have to go back to your room downstairs, you know,” he heard himself saying, and the teen obviously paused for a moment before he resumed his movements.

 

Perhaps it was Damian’s almost unperceivable hesitation that gave him the idea, or perhaps it was something else, but Dick wasn’t sure why he had said that in the first place.

 

“Don’t be foolish, Grayson,” answered Damian without even looking back at Dick, already headed toward the door.

 

“It would be fun,” Dick somehow persisted, “Like the time we had went camping!”

 

Damian finally stopped walking.

 

With his hand already on the doorknob, he turned to look at Dick, something almost resembling _anger_ flashed in his bright blue eyes.

 

For a moment, the two of them stared at each other, and neither was talking.

 

“You should stop lingering in the past, Grayson. That was ancient history,” Damian finally said, his voice tight with repressed restlessness. His eyes had moved away from Dick. “Now everything had already _changed_.”

 

And then the door closed behind him.

 

Dick sighed audibly, still staring at where Damian was standing just a second ago, and wondered _why_ their nights always had to end like this.

 

He tried to tell himself that Damian wasn’t really blaming him for anything, but that didn’t make the hollowing disappointment to go away. Dick had a faint idea that what Damian had said was right. He shouldn’t always expect everything about Damian to stay the same.

 

In the end, he placed that folded chessboard on the nightstand and hit the light switch. The whole room was then left with silent darkness and a shaft of cold moonlight from the gap between the curtains.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s (perhaps no so) obvious that Damian has feelings for Dick, but Dick is too deep into his own problems that he just can’t see things pass the surface with Damian. 
> 
> In the next chapter, the two have a real heart to heart moment.
> 
> (and of course i just had to include the song "Renegade" by x ambassadors...fits perfectly lol)


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some coffee, a bookmark, and a broken car.

+

 

“Damian?” said Dick as he knocked, knuckles drummed tentatively on the wooden door.

 

Seconds later, he was greeted with a set of footsteps; a pause, and then the sound of metal scraping the safety latch.

 

Before Dick was able to step back, a topless Damian already stood before him.

 

“What is it? It’s still twenty minutes away from our agreed time,” said Damian discontentedly with arms folded across his chest, a white towel hanging low on his waist.

 

Dick somehow had miraculously forgotten what to say, resisting the temptation to check his little brother out with all of his willpower. The momentary pause had only made Damian more impatient. “I don’t have all day to shower, Grayson.”

 

“Oh, _right_ ,” Dick looked back into Damian’s eyes apologetically, “I just heard that there’s a nice coffee shop around here, so I was thinking maybe we can grab something to drink before we go.”

 

Damian narrowed his eyes at Dick like he was questioning him “That’s it? Did you just interrupt my morning routine for that,” giving Dick the urge to step backwards and run away.

 

“Whatever, I don’t care,” Damian said eventually, rolling his eyes at Dick.

 

Before Dick even had the time to be excited, Damian had slammed the door shut, and thankfully Dick’s reflex was fast enough for him to avoid the pain of a comminuted fracture on his hand, which had been resting on the door frame just a second ago.

 

 

 

Summer morning in Savannah had already gotten to as hot as 85 degrees. If they were in Gotham, there’s almost no way for them to experience this kind of weather at this time of the day.

 

Dick actually really enjoyed basking in the unrelenting heat. Every negative thought had diffused under the bright, dazzling sunlight…not to mention that he also had such an amicable, _cheerful_ companion. 

 

Dick turned to look at Damian, who insisted in walking at least three feet away from him. The teen had grown taller than him already, but that irritated, stubborn look on him still seemed so endearingly childish.

 

“If I had known your idea of “a coffee shop around here” was a twenty-five-minute walk, I would never have agreed to come with you.”

 

Dick extended his arms and twirled, trying to show Damian how absolutely wonderful the weather was. “Come on, Damian,” he said merrily, sped up a little just to catch up with the boy who didn’t even glance at him, “Don’t you think walking around a beautiful town like this just feels so much nicer than staying in the car?”

 

“This is a waste of my time,” Damian snorted lightly, finally stopped walking and looked up at the store in front of them.

 

A small blackboard stood in front of the shop like many others; all the specialty drinks for July the Fourth celebration were written in a beautiful handwriting in chalk. Dick decided immediately that he wanted a Star-Spangled Heavy Cream Latte.

 

“Stop dawdling, Grayson,” Damian half leaned against the brick wall, trying to get Dick’s attention, “My patience for you is extremely limited.”

 

“I’ll be right back, little D!” Dick promised with a broad smile on his face, walked into the coffee shop with just a bit of an extra bounce in his steps. He hadn’t been in a good mood like this in a long time.

 

The decoration inside was as delightful as the weather outside; there were bright-colored Japanese floral prints on the wall, and a small cable tv was mounted on the top corner of the room; the news reporter’s voice blended into the background noises.

 

Dick could never have guessed how drastically, ironically different he would feel within the next five minutes. Right now he was only surveying the menu heedfully, trying to spot a drink that Damian would probably like.

 

When it was Dick’s turn to order, he gave the redhead behind the counter a big smile and told her that he would like a large Star-Spangled Heavy Cream Latte and a chai tea.

 

Later when he recalled everything that had happened at the coffee shop, he wouldn’t remember what he had said, the way he tried to dig out the last quarter in his wallet, or how he had walked to the pick-up window.

 

The only thing that Dick would remember was him standing in that corner, absentmindedly looked up at the news playing on the TV. And then, the peaceful front that he had maintained for the past few days all went crumbling down.

 

Dick stared blankly at the summary just below the image: **Rebuilding Bombed Area** **in Gotham** **.**

 

The blackened structures had long cooled down; fragmented, shattered cement bricks were being cleaned out. A reporter stood in front of that building and spoke rapidly, but Dick’s brain had already stopped responding all together. 

 

He held his breath, frantically wanting to turn away, to focus his attention on something else, _anything else_ —but he couldn’t.

 

Because he was standing right there, amid a pile of flaming ruins.

 

Those white flashing light and grating, ringing sound that he so longed to forget were on a constant replay.

 

His mind raced out of his control, jumping back to the moment that he had made the decision to leave without surveying the area again.

 

He could still see himself standing in front of that intact building. He even looked back before he had to rushed to the next possible bombing location.

 

He still remembered the blasting sound and the tortured screams. If he tried even harder, he was even able to recall every single frightened face and every single painful look, expanding, distorting into a twisted memory.

 

He desperately rushed in, trying to save anyone and everyone...to save the people he had long ago _sworn_ to protect.

 

The sound of siren tangled up with the sound his own heartbeat, and the smell of smoke and explosive had flooded his nostrils.

 

 _If only he could drown in that wreathing smoke_ , he thought.

 

All the moments that he had wanted to suppress but also forced himself to remember had suddenly, unstoppably overwhelmed him.

 

Until he finally caught a pair of anxious, unquiet blue eyes amid the desperation, and he held on to them like a drowning man clutching at a straw.

 

 _Why weren’t them there back then?_ He asked himself.

 

Under the bright sunlight, these eyes were clear with emotions so strong that almost frightened him, but at the same time, also filled him with a heart-wrenching longing.

 

“Grayson… _Grayson!_ ” a suppressed, worried voice growled at him. 

 

Dick blinked, trying to chase away the mist that was forming in his vision.

 

The TV had long started to play other programs, the weatherman pointing at the screen behind him seemed so alarmingly innocent. Damian, who stood right in front of him, was holding the drinks he had ordered.

 

Apparently Dick had missed these drinks for a while now.

 

“I’m sorry,” he murmured, trying hard not to stumble over his words.

 

Perhaps Dick was just hallucinating, but he thought Damian’s stern expression had just softened a little.

 

“Don’t let them add sugar in my tea next time.”

 

“…Sorry,” he apologized again, taking a deep breath, “I just kind of forgot.”

 

Damian’s lips opened slightly, but no words had come out in the end. He turned around and walked out of the coffee shop, waving his hand a little as if he was telling Dick to hurry up.

 

The walk back was way longer than their way here.

 

The sun was still shining all the same, if only not brighter than before. Despite the smothering hot weather, Dick could only feel the cool sweat on his skin, damping his t-shirt just enough to be uncomfortable. 

 

As they walked through one block after another, Dick tried to convince himself that he was doing fine.

 

“I’m driving,” said Damian as he walked up to the car, climbing into the driver’s seat before Dick had a chance to respond.

 

Dick lowered his head to look at the untouched coffee in his hand and sighed. He put his drink into the cup holder between his and Damian’s seat, allowing himself to sink lower in the passenger’s seat. Damian was quiet, which made Dick even more embarrassed, like a child who had sounded the fire alarm at an inopportune time.

 

He glanced at Damian and took in his rigid jawline and thinned lips. The stern look on him almost resembled what a Batman should look like. Dick was all curled up in his seat; the two of them were like a pair of dynamic duo that had never existed in this form.

 

Their shadows in the past still lingered and haunted them; the only thing that hadn’t changed was that the person next to him was still a very stubborn Damian, always ready to _fight_ , prepared to pull him out of depthless abyss and troubles. 

 

Dick had long given up pretending that he didn’t need Damian saving him, because ever since Damian was still his Robin, Dick had realized that they needed each other.

 

They always did.

 

The two of them had walked different paths that only sometimes came together in these seven years; partnerships that lasted too short, long and painful separations, misunderstandings, and many, many times of silence on the other side of the radio signal. 

 

But he was too tired—so exhausted that he didn’t even want to care anymore, and it was not even eleven o’clock in the morning yet. 

 

Dick rubbed his eyes. The stinging soreness was wearing away his patience.

 

He appreciated Damian’s silence, really, because he wasn’t in the mood to speak at all; but he also hated the silence, depriving him of the distractions he deserved and perhaps even welcomed.

 

The aching grief and dizziness had slowly faded away, leaving a distressed Dick Grayson wanting to put together these shattered pieces of his self-esteem, but only found them too burnt and scattered in front of Damian.

 

He started to regret letting Damian in his car in the first place, because now he only felt that he had nowhere to hide in this small space he was forced to share. Dick could only guess that Damian was probably feeling the same, probably angry at or even embarrassed by him overreacting in the public.

 

He knew how much Damian hated vulnerabilities, and now he was so full of them.

 

Dick was fidgety, wondering why he didn’t bring anything to pass time, to distract himself from a long ride, but then he remembered that he never even planned on being in the passenger’s seat.

 

“Do you have anything I could read?” Dick murmured as he opened up the glove box.

 

Just as he was opening it, he remembered that Damian did bring a book with him. It was right there, resting inside the glove box, with the spine of the book facing him.

 

Beside him, Damian gasped but then stopped himself quickly for some reason. “You wouldn’t be interested, Grayson,” he said to Dick, who had just picked up the book. Damian’s voice was flat and controlled, but it somehow had sounded off in a way that Dick couldn’t quite put his finger on. “Put it back.”

 

Dick didn’t listen to him. Instead, he took a careful look at the book in his hands. It’s a little bulky, but the binding and the cover were both plain and unembellished, with only a title printed on the front: Μαθηματικὴ Σύνταξις.

 

Even though he hadn’t forgotten all about it, but his Greek was pretty rusty; he could only tell that the title had something to do with “mathematica.”

 

Dick raised an eyebrow. “I’m afraid you’re right,” he said, flipping through the pages casually with his fingers, “I am not very…"

 

The book had long paragraphs, geometry illustrations, constellation drawings, and…

 

“… _interested_.” 

 

A very perfectly symmetrical maple leaf.

 

Dick narrowed his eyes and carefully picked up the leaf that was apparently used as a bookmark, and then the realization hit him.

 

He held up the laminated leaf to the sun, letting the undisguised light shine through it, revealing its soft, delicate veins.

 

He still remembered the way this leaf rested in his hands two years ago. It was the small souvenir he had found after a mission in Quebec. In fact, there were many other leaves he had picked up, and this happened to be the most perfect one.

 

For no reason at all—not a birthday, a holiday, an anniversary, or anything else—Dick thought of his former Robin when he saw it.

 

Dick also remembered how the teen had reacted when he gave it to him—scorn and confusion both well expressed in one single look. Dick had scratched his head and said that he wasn’t sure why he had gotten Damian such an ordinary and unremarkable leaf.

 

“Hmm…I don’t know,” he had said casually, not expecting to ever see it for a second time, “But it’s yours now, so feel free to depose it if you want to.” The next day Dick had disappeared into a long-term undercover mission, and everything about this little exchange was never brought up again.

 

He was once convinced that the second he was out of sight, Damian had thrown the stupid leaf out of the window, letting it rot in the summer rain.

 

But now it was right here in front of him, pressed between sheets of transparent lamination paper and again found its way back to Dick. The edges that were supposed to curve up as the leaf dried were preserved perfectly, not even the red of its shade had changed one bit.

 

“Don’t say a word, Grayson,” Damian warned, his voice tight.

 

But Dick wasn’t listening. He breathed shakily, and the silence had become even heavier than before as he was gathering up enough courage to speak.

 

“You kept it,” he tried his best to smile, slightly waving the bookmark at Damian.

 

Damian did not respond for a while, and when he finally did, his voice was low and deep with uncertainty and hesitation. “I wasn’t sure when I would see you again.”

 

Dick widened his eyes. He stared back at the leaf again, as if he was looking at a small, small fragment of Damian’s own _vulnerableness_. Somehow, that had made his eyes sore and vision hazy again.

 

He carefully put the bookmark back to where it was before and closed the book. The sense of appreciation and affection had flooded him, smoothing over the scars that he had thought would never heal.

 

Once again Dick found his own assumptions awfully, inarguably wrong—he should have never doubted the decision to let Damian in.

 

+

 

“Well, shit,” Dick sighed as he stared at the signal light that started flashing on his dashboard, slowly come to a stop on the beach.

 

Damian looked up from his phone and widened his eyes as steam was coming out of the hood of the car.

 

“What did you do this time, Grayson? Break our car?”

 

“It’s only a small problem…” Dick attempted to explain, “Could just be the water pump not working right or something.” 

 

Damian had gotten out of the car before Dick even finished his sentence. Dick followed behind him, opening the car door to a draft of cool night wind.

 

“Look at what you have done,” Damian said snappily, "I told you it was an idiotic idea to drive on A1A, and you went as far as driving on the beach?”

 

Dick shrugged and opened up the hood. “Hey, I don’t see how that’s related to the problem,” he argued, “You should at least be glad that we weren’t on the freeway.”

 

Damian rolled his eyes, but then still pulled Dick back before the man had almost touched the radiator with his bare hands. “What were you thinking?!” he yelled at Dick ferociously, pushing him aside, “Let me do it.”

 

The teen turned on the flashlight and checked beneath the car first, and then the water pump. Dick held up a flashlight for him, lost in his thought as he watched Damian checking other parts of the radiator. The soft, hazy starlight shone upon his hair and bare neck. 

 

Along with the unpleasant incident in the morning, the heat of the daytime had long passed, washed away into the dark night.

 

Dick knew they were close to Orlando, and he was one hundred percent _not_ stalling when he decided to take a detour to A1A. He only wanted to show Damian the road that spanned across the beach, but of course, the car just had to breakdown when he was just starting to enjoy himself. Dick sighed ever so slightly and looked up at the sky.

 

A sheet of countless stars expanded to where the night sky met the ocean; constellations that he couldn’t name at all were shining brilliantly.

 

He hadn’t seen so many stars in a while, which kept him looking and looking, striving to find any part of the sky that he was familiar with. 

 

Dick tagged at Damian’s shirt, but the teen was somewhat impatient. “Not now, Grayson,” he answered absentmindedly, paying all of his attention to the radiator fan switch.

 

Dick knew he wouldn’t be of much help for Damian right now, so he walked to the back and climbed until he could lie on the top of the car, with his arms folded behind his head. He didn’t mind the dust so much.

 

“Seems like it is nothing too hard to fix. We just need to add some more coolant,” after running a quick check, Damian said without even looking up, “The radiator is working fine, and so is the serpentine belt… _Grayson, are you even listening?_ ”

 

Dick sat up immediately as soon as he heard his name being called. “Look!” he said, pointing at the sky, “What constellation is that tilted...cross thing?”

 

Damian turned off his flashlight, and the sky had, unbelievably, looked even clearer and brighter than before. He narrowed his eyes a little as he looked toward the direction Dick was pointing at. “It’s Cygnus,” he answered firmly, “The exceptionally bright star is Deneb, a part of the Summer Triangle.”

 

Dick looked down and grinned at Damian, tapping on the space beside him.

 

The teen had only snorted, mumbling words like “I am not going up there to sit on a blanket of dust” and shutting the hood with an unnecessary amount of force.

 

“But _p_ _lease?_ ” Dick pleaded with his hands clasped together.

 

Damian took a short glance at him, and then sighed audibly. He swiftly jumped onto the hood and then the top of the car. Dick had lied down again, so Damian also lowered his body, lying beside him.

 

“So what are the other two stars in the Summer Triangle?”

 

“The one that looks closer to Deneb is Alpha Lyrae, also known as Vega,” Damian extended one arm into the sky, pointing at the two light spots that he was talking about, “The other is called Altair, the brightest star of Aquila.”

 

Dick looked carefully, but no matter how hard he tried, he still couldn’t figure out how people came up with the names for these constellations because they looked nothing like what they were named after. Perhaps someone who had a bit more artistic talent like Damian could understand this kind of things better.

 

“I didn’t know you are so familiar with constellations.”

 

Damian grunted softly. “The book I am reading is the original version of _Almagest_. It talked about the motion of stars and constellations in one of the sections,” he explained, “I have also read the Arabic version, which had astonished me with some of the most ridiculous translation errors.”

 

The teen’s contemptuous tone almost made Dick laugh. “How about that one? The one that kind of looks like an ‘M'?”

 

Damian immediately pointed out that it was, in fact, a ‘W’ instead; Dick didn’t argue, but only patiently listened to Damian's dry and matter-of-fact version of the story about the vain queen Cassiopeia. He slowly breathed in the damp and salty air. Underneath the starry sky, the sea tides repeatly rose up and washed the shore before receding back down.

 

The silver, luminous spots far, far away seemed so unyieldingly dazzling in the clear night sky; boundless ocean stretched out before them, unfolding and reaching for the distant coastline. Damian’s voice started to sound indistinct in Dick’s ear. He wasn’t focusing on the meaning of the words anymore, but the teen’s voice made him feel safe and comforted.

 

“…reminds me of the night sky in the desert,” a phrase or two occasionally slipped into Dick’s consciousness, “But there was no ocean.”

 

Those words had stirred up a burst of nostalgia in Dick’s heart. He loved moments like this, Damian sharing, telling him a word or two about his childhood.

 

“In Gotham you can never see the stars like this,” Damian commented.

 

Dick swallowed heavily.

 

“Yeah, you’re right,” he tried. Dick closed his eyes, attempting to even out his breath and stop himself from thinking about the way that smothering smoke had enveloped the Gotham sky.

 

Dick was trembling ever so slightly; he tried to adjust his position, wanting to hold on to the momentary peace and quietness before the low ringing sound had come back to his ears.

 

“Grayson,” Damian uttered softly, and then paused right after saying his name as if he was trying to make up his mind about something, “That explosion was not your fault.”

 

Dick had struggled for a moment, but he still opened his eyes eventually. He turned his head to look at Damian and found the teen also looking back at him. Glimmering starlight had outlined the contours of Damian’s features, casting a soft shadow under his eyelashes. And his eyes, still so determined and equally bright, like he had absolute faith in what he had just said.

 

How he had desired to believe in Damian’s words, even just for a second.

 

There was once a time when he thought Damian had left him forever, and at the time he felt like Damian’s death was on him; and now with the death of all these innocent people, he only felt even more guilty and responsible.

 

“But it was my fault, Damian.” _And I had to live with it every single day._

 

“You couldn’t have known that—"

 

“ _I should have_ ,” he interrupted.

 

Damian’s lips moved slightly, and he seemed like he had almost lost all of his patience again.

 

“You once told me, that all we need to do is to save everyone we can, and as for those whom we are unable to aid, we only need to do our best,” the teen spoke in the end, his voice steady and undeniably sincere, “No one can say that you have not done your best, Richard.”

 

And then suddenly, the tear that had been in Dick’s eyes all day long had finally rolled down his cheek, disappearing into his hairline.

 

He recalled that the stars Damian had told him about could have died millions of years ago, but the people here today were still able to bask in their brilliant light.

 

Dick thought, perhaps that was how Damian was. No matter where he was and no matter where they were, he had always been able to bring some light into Dick’s life at his darkest moments, even from the beginning of everything.

 

 

 

 

  

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> finally done with my finals and able to update...
> 
> somehow this chapter just reads better in chinese to me, but i still hope you'd enjoy it.


	5. Chapter 5

+

 

After countless arguments, their first stop in Orlando was finalized to be the Central Florida Zoo. Dick had to admit that he wasn’t the least surprised about Damian’s choice, and in fact he even wanted to go to the zoo. After a few shammed protests, he had agreed enthusiastically.

 

He only realized it was already the Fourth of July when he was in line to buy the tickets. A display was showing all the celebration events and firework shows in Orlando. Dick stared at the display for a while until the guy behind him had politely asked him to move forward a little. He mumbled a quick “sorry” and scooted forward, taking a quick glance at Damian who was waiting by the gate. Not far from him, the teen had apparently noticed Dick zoning out, looked up from his phone and shot him a glare. 

 

As soon as they got in, although Damian had put on his best nonchalant face, Dick still noticed that the teen always gravitated toward the animal feeding area. When they had finally casually wandered over there, something had definitely shifted in Damian’s expression.

 

Dick had really enjoyed their little walk in the zoo; doing something so ordinary with a grown-up Damian just seemed unimaginably precious to him. He felt like they should have done all of these already in Gotham Zoo. He was even able to imagine the way the two of them each held an ice cream cone, walking around and laughing about something clever that Dick had come up with.

 

But that only ever existed in his imagination, because for some reason that Dick couldn’t really figure out, they had never visited the zoo together. At least not outside of their _work_ and definitely not like this, strolling around the whole place and almost dragging their feet.

 

He watched Damian standing among a group of kids and holding the fodder they just purchased, ready to feed it to the lazy-looking llamas behind the fences. Damian stood out among the ones who were far younger than his age, but the undeniable enthusiasm on his face was no less than that on any other kid’s.

 

In fact, watching Damian trying to pat the llamas was so entertaining that Dick had almost missed the vibration in his pocket. He wasn’t sure why he was so hesitated to fish his phone out, as if he was hoping for the vibration to die out before he could pick up the phone. 

 

Dick had glanced at the caller id even though he didn’t really need to. He knew it was Bruce.

 

He sighed heavily. Dick had his finger hovering over the green button and paused, unable to bring himself to touch the button in the end. He had spoken to Tim this morning, and his brother had promised him that everything was fine except that Jason had disappeared with his two friends again; Bruce, apparently, was still the same, brooding on his own and growling at people occasionally.

 

He could kind of guess what Bruce had to say, but no, he wasn’t ready to go back. And no, he didn’t need therapy either. What he needed was some goddamn fresh air and to be left alone…

 

…But what about Damian?

 

He looked up abruptly only to find the teen already standing before him. Damian stared blatantly at the way he was anxiously putting his phone back, as if he already knew everything that had happened. 

 

To Dick’s surprise, Damian didn’t comment on it at all, but only stuffed the rest of the fodder into Dick’s hand and pushed him toward the small crowd that was waiting to feed the llamas.

 

Dick stood there and was somewhat at a loss, couldn’t figure out where to look. He peeked at the front of the line, adults were holding up their children who held the fodders in their small fists.

 

In between the crowd and animal noises, he was still able to catch that very familiar voice not far from behind him.

 

Dick blankly turned his head to look back at Damian and saw a middle age woman talking to the teen. The dark-haired woman was smiling; she pointed at a girl in the line who looked like her daughter and turned to say something to Damian.

 

Damian was astonishingly patient, at least more patient than Dick would ever expect him to be, putting up a sociable look and keeping a non-aggressive stance. His tone was almost civil when he answered questions, and he even continued conversing with the woman without showing any sign of annoyance.

 

Just as Dick watched Damian’s lips forming probably the most trivial and irrelevant words and phrases, the teen had suddenly casted a glance at him.

 

The way Damian looked at him was so indescribably casually and natural, his expression unchanged, as if he was merely looking into some sort of empty space instead of at the one and only person he chose to go on a road trip with. As he talked to the woman beside him, Damian still held his gaze with an unbelievably soft, relaxed smile on his face.

 

Dick’s eyes widened at that smile, and his brain happened to choose that exact moment to notice the golden gloaming hue cloaking Damian’s features; the teen’s blue eyes refracted colors he had never once witnessed before under the dimming sunlight.

 

 _But that would be impossible,_ he thought to himself—because he was _so sure_ that he had seen the way those eyes shone under every single shade of light.

 

And somehow he had missed this moment, a part of Damian that Dick didn’t know he was missing until now.

 

When Dick later recalled that moment, a moment more ordinary than any other, he would then realize that something had already changed between the two of them.

 

He knew neither where the change had come from, nor to where it would lead him; he knew only that the change had long started before his wildest suspicion, and his own realization had finally caught up with him at that second. Everything that had started was already unstoppable before he could even attempt to control, like the irrepressible speed and momentum of an ocean’s waves, engulfing, immersing the seashore of his mind.

 

Dick had somehow calmed himself down entirely, feeding the last of the fodder to the llamas and returning to Damian’s side. The woman who was talking to Damian had already left with her daughter.

 

“How come I never get the civil, polite version of you?” Dick half joked as he watched them walking away.

 

“We have known each other for too long,” Damian answered quietly and turned away, apparently didn’t care to answer any more of Dick’s questions.

 

Eventually Dick suggested touring the aquarium one more time before it closed. Damian had nodded his head in agreement.

 

 

 

  

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short update before the ending of the story
> 
> so Dick had finally learned that he had feelings for Damian!


	6. Chapter 6

 

“Fireworks?” Damian grunted and furrowed his brow as if he was almost disgusted, but Dick knew Damian only did that to annoy him, “How old are you, Grayson? _Six?_ ”

 

“It’s the Fourth of July, Damian,” Dick patiently emphasized each word as he spoke, his tone striving to be as light as his footsteps, “Of course we are going! It’s a tradition.”

 

It was just after dinner, and the two of them were strolling around the city in the brisk summer breeze; they had walked through one after another beautifully lit street together with Dick carefully maintaining his (hopefully subtle) physical distance with Damian. His realization in the afternoon had made him scared of touching Damian in any way, as if it might somehow give him away. 

 

 _God_ , he felt like a total creep. Thinking about how awful it all was, Dick couldn’t help but buried his face in his hands, almost entirely certain that Damian would shoot him a contemptuous glance.

 

He honestly didn’t expect things to go this way, really. But Dick didn’t know how he could continue with it anymore. Now he only wanted to escape from everything, going back to the damn road trip that was supposed to be his own…although he was now doing it for reasons different than before—

 

_How the hell was he going to tell Damian that he’s in love with him?_

 

 **Dear Damian** , he started to write in his head, pausing for a second before crossing out the first word, leaving only **Damian**.

 

**I’m sorry, and I know this is such a terrible idea.**

 

As they stood by the fountain and waited for the firework show to begin, the growing crowd around them squeezed until there was no distance left to close between them.

 

Sooner than later, the red and blue and white fireworks started to bloom along with blasting sounds. Dick’s spine had suddenly stiffened. He watched the red ones falling and disappearing from the sky and told himself to calm down.

 

They are only fireworks, not—

 

“Deep breath,” a puff of breath brushed against the back of his neck as a familiar low voice reached his ears, taking him away from the endless noises of the crowd and the fireworks. It made him shiver like a cool night breeze would.

 

 **I even admit that this is way too cliché. I can imagine you yelling at me** **:** **“Are you serious, Grayson? A letter?”**

 

 **I want to be honest with you, but** **somehow** **this is getting more and more difficult every day, and now it is far beyond what I had expected. I used to think that nothing would** **be** **harder** **than being Batman (** **and** **let alone _your_ Batman). Now I can confidently tell you that I couldn’t be more wrong.**

 

Low frequency vibration started in his pocket again for the second time today. Dick tried his best to ignore it, hoping the sound of the firework could cover up the sound his phone was making.

 

“Are you going to answer?” Damian asked eventually.

 

“No,” he responded stiffly. Not today.

 

Dick could feel Damian’s eyes on him, but he decided not to look back, stubbornly watching the sky being lit up until the teen had looked away.

 

 **I don’t think continuing like this is a good idea, Damian. There is no deny that traveling with you has been the best thing that happened to me for the past few months. It made me happy…perhaps even a little too happy. But we** **have** **only agreed to come here, so if I want to go on a trip by myself like I was supposed to back in Gotham, I am sure you would understand.**

  

He should leave now.

 

 

 

Dick glanced at the bottom of the door. It’s hard to tell whether the light was on inside when the hallway was lit. He stood there in hesitation, holding a letter that he knew he shouldn’t have written.

 

If he had to leave without saying goodbye, perhaps leaving a note would be the only thing that he could do to make both of them feel a little better. He bent down to place the letter under the door as quietly as possible. Dick tried to turn back and leave, but for a second he could only stand in front of Damian’s door like he was waiting, _longing_ for something to happen.

 

He didn’t want to know what he was expecting, but now that the letter was delivered, he had nothing else to do but to leave. He wanted to stop himself from thinking about anything, about his own cowardice and fear, about Damian’s anger and disappointment, and about something that he never and yet always desired to know…

 

“ _Grayson!_ ” and the door opened behind him.

 

Dick didn’t stop walking, but when he heard the footsteps approaching, he knew he was already too late. He had wasted too much time.

 

Strong fingers pulled on Dick’s backpack, trying to stop him without actually touching.

 

“Don’t move,” _there’s no use in escaping_ , the voice seemed to say.

 

Dick had to stop, taking a deep breath before he turned around to face the teen with an awkward smile plastered on his face.

 

Damian wore a twisted, angry expression, as if he had tried to suppress all of his feelings but then failed. He quickly glanced at everything Dick was holding like he was trying to confirm the unsavory idea that the man really was about to leave for good.

 

Dick felt like his arms were filled with heavy lead, his legs unsure of what to do, clumsily holding his body up. The dim, hazy light in the hallway was a little too bright for him, and not even standing right in the middle of the most ridiculous stage and having the spotlight on him alone could compare to this heart-sunken feeling.

 

He knew it. He should definitely have gone out from the window. 

 

“What is the meaning of this?” Damian finally raised his left hand, his index finger and thumb holding up the letter Dick had just delivered less than two minutes ago.

 

It’s unopened. Perhaps…

 

Dick sighed. He quickly licked his upper lip as he struggled to come up with an explanation. “If you have read it, you’d know that—"

 

 **Maybe you are right.** **Maybe** **I am not as brave as thought I** **would be** **when dealing with things like this.**

 

“—Know why you decided to run away at three thirty in the morning?” Damian interrupted him and narrowed his eyes dangerously, “You want to run away like a coward instead of doing what you should have done, going back to being the good old big brother and telling me that you needed to talk at a damn burger place with awful food. Then you would try to use what you _thought_ was a more easily acceptable way to tell me that you wanted—no, you _needed_ —to leave again? That’s what you always do, _isn’t it?_ So why didn’t you this time?"

 

Dick’s mouth was half gaped open and his eyes widened at the growling, infuriated teen. He was silenced, incapable of coming up with anything to say for an uncomfortably long time. 

 

“It’s...it’s not like that,” he resorted to these pale words at last. _So much for being articulate_ , he thought to himself.

 

Damian snorted, his eyes questioning, impatiently waiting for Dick to explain himself further.

 

 **There are things I need to find out on my own, but I don’t** **really** **know what to do or even where to go, so I might not be able to answer the questions that you have.**

 

“I need to go to somewhere new, alone. It’s what I had in mind since the beginning, but then you came, and I accepted you,” he tried to explain slowly, “I think now is the time for me to go back to my original plan. You need to go back to Gotham and to Bruce. I know you wouldn’t do that if I don’t leave.”

 

“Father doesn’t _need_ me right now,” Damian fiercely argued, his eyes narrowed in suspicion, “And that’s not what you have said before. I do not understand. What the hell makes you think I am at your beck and call, willing to answer to and follow every single one of your commands?”  

 

 **Damian, trust me when I say this is one of the most difficult decisions I have** **ever** **made.**

 

“I have to go.”

 

“But you promised me, Grayson! You _promised_.”

 

Dick frowned at these words, not understanding what Damian was talking about.

 

Dick’s confused expression apparently only enraged Damian further. He looked like he almost wanted to grab Dick’s collar and shake him until he remembered, but Damian had eventually controlled himself.

 

“That day at the gas station, you promised me that you would try your best to do whatever I asked, Grayson,” he said slowly, his voice dangerously unsteady, as if something might explode if he didn't take maximum control to utter these words clearly, “And I want _this_. I want you to stay.”

 

Want.

 

 _Want_ , Dick repeated it in his head, feeling like the word started to gain consciousness and shape of its own, capable of jabbing him right in the gut.   

 

Because that’s what Damian had said back then.

 

Dick closed his eyes, and the way Damian stopped his car and leaned against his window that day was still clear and vivid in his head.

 

“There are only so many ways this could go, Grayson,” Damian had said, standing outside of his car with his blue eyes blazing, “But if you don’t let me in your car right now, I’m afraid you are not going to like any of them.”

 

When Dick had half-heartedly asked him why he was doing it, Damian had responded simply with “Maybe just because I wanted to.”

 

Back then he didn’t any pay attention to the defiant, provocative look on Damian’s face, but why didn’t he think of it? Why didn’t he realize sooner? He should have known better than anyone else in the world.

 

He should have known better how Damian Wayne hid his _heart_ behind the angry, derisive, and even aggressive disguise.

 

Dick should have known better than anyone that even though Damian had seldom come after him, but once he had decided that Dick _needed_ him, he would never let him go out there alone.

 

“Damian, I've always wanted to ask you…why on earth have you come with me here?”

 

“Because,” the teen started to say without hesitation, and as soon as the very first word had left his lips, Dick had already learned the rest, “ _What would you do without me?_ ”

 

The unyielding conviction in his voice and the familiar sense of nostalgia had almost brought a smile to Dick's face, but he only felt his throat dry and his eyes sore, the muscles on his cheek aching.

 

 **It took me a long time to find the answer to that very question. It took too many** **goodbyes** **and more than one death (can anything be more fucked up than** **that** **?) But I** **have** **finally realized, Damian, that I really don’t know what I would do without you, and I will have to find out the answer on my own.**

 

For a moment, the now defined features and contours of Damian’s face had overlapped with that of a ten-year-old’s. A little figure was standing straight and yelling at the enemy, “Look at me!” Dick remembered the bloodstain on his Robin tunic, the box of video game that they never played, the way Damian refused to see him each time before Dick left, and the lingering, familiar shadow outside his new apartment in Bludhaven.

 

Damian did everything he could to mask his fear and his imploration as arrogance, and Dick knew very clearly that there was no other person in this world more familiar with that very look.

 

Dick knew he couldn’t…when he understood so well what Damian was hiding behind the mask and how often he had let him down, Dick just couldn’t bring himself to turn around and walk away at this moment.

 

**Every decision about you has always been so difficult ever since the beginning, and I don’t expect it to get any easier.**

 

He had done that too many times.

 

Every time he thought they would grow apart and become strangers, Damian had always reminded him in his own ways: “No, Grayson, I won’t allow it,”—those blue eyes seemed to be saying, that leaf resting in his book seemed to be saying, that bike still mounted behind his car seemed to be saying—“I don’t ever want you to not be a part of my life.”

 

And Dick had never been so grateful.

**I think, it all had a very simple reason…**

 

“ _Okay_ ,” he heard himself giving in eventually, his voice so low and soft as if the word would have sounded too broken beyond repair had he said it any louder.

 

“You _will_ stay,” Damian stated in all solemness and certainty, “And afterwards--I don’t care how long it takes--you will return with me.”

 

Dick nodded his head and lowered his eyes in quiet consent.

 

**And that is, I love you.**

 

 

  

 


	7. Epilogue

+

 

They walked back together in absolute silence until they stood before Damian’s door.

 

Damian first blankly stared at the door handle and then blinked. He turned to Dick and said: “I forgot my key card.”

 

Dick couldn’t help but smiled. For the first time tonight.

 

“There’s a swimming pool on the rooftop, “ Damian said hastily before Dick was able suggest that they could go back to his room instead, “I heard it is also a good place to watch the sunrise.”

 

Dick shrugged. “Well, I wasn’t planning on sleeping anyway,” he responded.

 

Five minutes later, Dick had carried all of his baggage and followed Damian to the rooftop. As Damian had said, the view was indeed amazing; they could see half of the city from here. The sky was still dark, so it might be a while until sunrise.

 

“We still haven’t gone to the Universal Studios together, you know,” Dick said, leaning against the railings and looking down at the streets. Damian grunted behind him, so Dick turned around to look at him. The teen was crouching a couple of steps behind, his palm almost touching the water in the swimming pool.

 

Damian didn’t say anything for a while, long enough for Dick to almost forget what he had said in the first place. Dick was never used to this kind of silence when he was around other people, but he didn’t mind it so much when he was with Damian.

 

“We could go tomorrow,” said Damian, who had walked to Dick’s side and leaned against the railings as well.

 

“Hm?”

 

Damian sighed audibly and straightened his body. “Universal Studios.”

 

Dick grinned at him. The sky seemed to have brightened up a little, and the contour of the buildings was becoming more and more defined.

 

“I’ve always wanted a wand,” Dick said, “And also Butterbeer. We’re definitely having it.”

 

Damian had rolled his eyes half-heartedly. “I should have known that you would take pleasure in waving a silly, _useless_ stick around all day and behaving like a a complete fool,” he complained, “I find it astonishing how you have always been able to make me regret consenting to your nonsensical invitations. It must take a superb amount of talent to do that.”

 

Dick couldn’t help but chuckled a little before glancing at Damian. But that one glance had frozen his smile in place.

 

Damian was intently scrutinizing the envelope that had yet to be opened in his hands as if by simply looking at the outside, he would be able to grasp the content in its entirety.

 

Dick wetted his lips and swallowed. For once he wasn’t quite sure what to do with himself. The letter was in Damian’s hands, and Dick had absolutely no means to stop him from opening it. It pained him to know the truth that would separate him and Damian was only an envelope away.

 

What would Damian’s reaction be? Surely surprised, and Dick wouldn’t blame him if Damian felt disgusted. Perhaps he might _regre_ _t_ asking him to stay or even pretend that he didn’t care at all. He wasn’t sure which reaction would be the worst, but no matter which one it turned out to be, Dick knew that anything he could do now wouldn’t stop what he had already started.

 

Perhaps the truth was...he didn’t mind letting Damian know. Dick repeated this thought in his head as he looked away hurriedly.

 

“Grayson,” Damian had suddenly poked him in his right shoulder with the letter, “Since you have chosen to stay, this letter now carries no meaning."

 

Dick widened his eyes, carefully studying Damian’s calm expression. Dick took the letter back in disbelief. He couldn’t quite figure out how Damian could let this slip so easily because Dick was certain that the teen was still mad at him, unless…

 

Unless.

 

“ _Richard_ ,” Damian uttered, his voice composed as per usual, but also gentle in a way that Dick didn’t know he was capable of. He watched Dick with such forceful intensity that compelled the latter to return his gaze.

 

Dick had finally looked up to face Damian, a feat accomplished with unexpected difficulty. His heart was beating impossibly fast in his chest, as if it already knew what was soon to come.

 

The first ray of the morning sun had at last emerged, casting a gleaming glow over the horizon.

 

Damian cleared his throat, and his fingers tightly curled around the railings before slowly relaxing the grip. “If you wanted to leave because you had difficulty facing me, then I want to assure you that you have nothing to worry about.”

 

Dick hesitated for a moment. “I don’t think you understand—“ _Because there’s no way you would understand that—_

 

“ _You are in love with me_ ,” Damian raised his voice and interrupted the man, his tone so certain and unquestionable like he was merely stating a fact that he had long been familiar with, “Do I have to spell it out for you to believe me? Then yes, of course I understand.”

 

He had paused right there with his eyes fixed on Dick. And that was the moment when it finally hit him--it was _him_ who understood nothing. It was _him_ who was so oblivious, so ignorant of everything that had happened between them.

 

Minuscule touches in the elevator. Slightly squished juice boxes. Neatly arranged chess pieces in a plastic box. Soft breath that had touched the back of his neck underneath a sky full of blooming fireworks. Moments and images, all of a sudden, were twisting together in his head, like pieces of colored glasses in a kaleidoscope.

 

_Because when you were in love with someone, it was hard not to realize the moment they had fallen in love with you, too._

 

Perhaps for a second—it could be just now, yesterday, or even a long time ago--he had doubted his feelings: was it really romantic love that he had felt for Damian, his brother, friend, and partner?

 

But what did it matter anyway?

 

His desire to kiss him was as fervent and irrepressible as the sun’s urge to rise.

 

In the beginning it was just two pairs of lips gently touching, but just as Dick thought their first kiss was going to end this way, Damian had pressed into the kiss with a burst of force and eagerness that could only come from a long repressed indulgence. Dick smiled and basked in Damian’s warmth as he kissed Damian back with mirrored fervor and longing.

 

When Dick had finally leaned back and broke their kiss, he raised his hand to lace his fingers with Damian’s. His heart was filled with an incredible delight at the thought of him being allowed to touch, to kiss, and to hold Damian’s hand this way from this moment on. Under that gradually rising sun, he was starting to see the side of Damian that he never had the opportunity to explore before.

 

He remembered the afternoon when he discovered the shine in Damian’s eyes that he had been missing in his life, and now he knew that was only a tiny, tiny fraction of what he would soon be able to witness and embrace.

 

Dick’s smile had turned to a wide grin. He then laughed and laughed until he was shivering uncontrollably, until tears had filled his eyes.

 

“Stop laughing like an idiot, Dick Grayson,” Damian ordered sternly, but Dick had only ignored him, pulling the teen in for an impossibly tight hug.

 

“Sorry, Damian,” he whispered, lips almost brushing Damian’s ear, “You might have to bear with me for a very, very long time.”

 

And suddenly, the teen in his arms had softened a little, carefully returning the hug as he took a deep breath.

 

“I think I can live with that.” 

 

 

 

**fin.**

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading, kudoing, and commenting <3 I almost can't believe I've finished translating/rewriting this story. I have really enjoyed sharing my love for Dick and Damian with you all, and I hope that you have enjoyed reading this as well. Since this is kind of my first time writing a relatively long story in English, the grammar might be a little rough to read...I'll try to edit this whole thing sometime later though!


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